Block The Vote

Block The Vote

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Elections are just around the corner, so...so...so what? That's what I say, so what! Who cares? Is it going to make any difference? Are all of our lives going to be bettered by electing the 'Right' choice for the country?
I think not.
Now don't get me wrong, I think everyone should vote. Well. Not everyone. Not everyone has the brains to vote...at least vote properly, that is. By that, I mean not everyone looks at the issues, weighs the candidate’s positions, assesses the help or harm each philosophy or position held by those running for office would make.
Joe the plumber seems to be pretty well informed, but let's say you have instead, Bob the busboy (I could make an ethnic joke with that one, but I won't so as to appear terribly compassionate).
Okay, so let's say we have Bob the busboy and also, a reporter doing a piece for his news organization called, The Awareness of the American People. It might go something like this –
"Hey Bob, so, who do you like in the election?"
"What election?"
"The presidential election."
"Oh," says Bob, finally realizing what the reporter is talking about. "I think...yeah, I think we should vote, ya' know? It's our duty."
"Yeah, that's right, we should. So, who do you like?" the reporter asks.
"Um...well, I like, uh...who's the guy, that one guy?"
"Obama? McCain?" says the reporter.
"Yeah, that guy, Obama McCain. I like him."
The reporter turns to the camera. "Back to you, Shep."
This is what we are dealing with here in this country. Should that guy be voting? Should the people on Jay Leno's Jaywalking be allowed accurate directions to polling sites?
I have a better idea. Here's the Keck system of exercising our God given right to cast a ballot.
Let's all be very quiet whenever we're around those people. Let's whisper about November 4th and the elections, and when we see someone coming up let's make sure that if they're a 'Bob the busboy' type, we all suddenly start complaining about how it was just not right that they moved this year's elections to the 18th, and how it's great that the one new central polling place has been set up at the fireworks display about ten miles east of the airport, but we're really pissed off that the cover charge is so high.
If we all did that, if we all took our responsibilities seriously and were diligent in misdirecting those poor lost souls to an empty field two weeks after the elections have taken place, then we would be able to stand tall and know that we've done our country proud.
So in this our time of patriotic reflection and somber contemplation of what our forefathers gave to us with their sweat and blood sacrifice, is it too much to ask of ourselves, we the aware, we the awake, we who have and use the gray matter that we possess, is it too much to ask to help our less fortunate, somnolent, and synaptically challenged brothers and sisters to find their way home – their own home – on election day?
Show that you care. Show that you love your country. Show that pitiful guy with the tattoo of his girlfriends name misspelled on his forehead, show that young woman with the multiple peircings in her eyebrows, ears, nose, cheeks, tongue, and lips who when she stands next to a magnet, her face stretches, let them know that they can now vote entirely through mental effort because of the new satellites NASA just sent up. And after youv'[e explained what NASA is, send them on their way, knowing that you may have just saved a moron, saved a life, nay even possibly saved a country.
May God bless this great United States of America and approximately one third of her citizens plus or minus 3 variable percentage points.

Keck